All the Breaking Points We're At, or, Outgrowing Self-Destruction and Collapse

Hi! How’s everyone? Today we’re going to talk about a theme we’ve been discussing a little bit in sessions. Critical points of transformation in our lives. Financially, emotionally, relationally, professionally, even structurally, as in, exiting a collapsing America.

Breaking points.

Where are we in the world? Where are we in our lives? Where are we as people? 

When I look around, I see breaking point. After breaking point. Not just at a macro level, institutionally, civilizationally, economically, but also at a micro one, individually, financially, relationally, personally.

And to me all this matters. So we’re going to talk about it, and then discuss what to do about it. Because the last thing you should do is pretend like you’re not reaching breaking point, too, when we’re surrounded by so many breaking points.

Just breathe with me for a second. Give yourself just one moment of grace. And one moment of searing truth. There’s no one here but us. Where are you with breaking point lately? Don’t lie to yourself. The point is to help you grow. And I won't bore you with statistics, but they say that many, many of us are pretty close to breaking point. 

I asked my friends over the last few months. We’re getting older. We needed to talk in a different way. How are they really doing? And as they opened up to me, dropping the pretenses of success, perfection, and vanity, a theme began to emerge. 

Everyone was under immense pressure. The kind that breaches a hull. Think of Oceangate’s submarine, imploding in the depths. Marriages were at breaking point. Because finances were at breaking point. Because careers were at breaking point. Because people were at breaking point. Lives were. I could go on, and of course, the causality may differ.

Think about all the breaking points around us.

America’s at breaking point. The descent into authoritarianism is happening at lightning speed. Institutions are literally crumbling before our eyes. Stable, upward progress? Over. Gestapos on the streets. An economy sliding into chaos. Society’s ripping itself apart. Even MAGA voters are bewildered at the sheer intensity of the ruin.

The markets are at breaking point, pretending that “everything’s fine,” which is a surefire precursor to a crash, because of course, nothing’s remotely the same macroeconomically as it was just a few months ago. And so many of you are staring at your finances and wondering: where’s breaking point? It’s a good question. 

The world’s at breaking point, too. Europe and Canada are literally breaking off from America before our eyes. Meanwhile, conflicts rage, Trump starts wars, and global peace and order break down. Macroeconomically, the world faces an infinite horizon of “low growth,” read, stagflation, or just stagnation if you’re lucky (and no, AI isn’t going to help, it’s going to dehumanize us all that much further.)

Shall I go on? But you already know. So let’s go up a level.

Just understand that there’s a relationship between a world at breaking point, and people at breaking point. So if you feel under this immense pressure, it’s OK. Breathe. I don’t mean that just in the way your therapist does. I mean that in a deeper way, an existential one. Hitting breaking point is part of the human journey. It is a crucial step towards true maturity, the fullness of adulthood. It isn’t until we reach breaking point that we discover what courage, strength, empathy, and forgiveness, among many other genuinely adult qualities, truly are. And as we break away, often, we set ourselves free, too.

Understand: I don’t just mean breaking point emotionally, but in a wholer way. Marriages. Careers. Relationships. Money. Families. Just even…being able to go a few days without wanting to tear your hair out. All of it. Again, how many people are thinking about leaving America? That’s a breaking point, too.

Understand the message, too. It’s incredibly traumatic just to exist right now. In the mess that the world is in. Amidst the horrors and indignities and endless stupidities of it all. We’re dehumanized, alienated. We’re torn apart. But who is to put us back together? 

Breaking points. Remember the “tipping” point? Then there are turning points. But I want to teach you to think well, and the better concept to use for times like these is breaking points. Tipping points and turning points are innocuous. They suggest a moral valence of zero. But breaking points? 

They’re different. Think again of the Oceangate submarine. What happened? Stockton Rush, the CEO, was supremely confident, that he’d cracked it. Discovered the way to plunge to the depths safely. Carbon fiber hull. Ignored all the warning signs. One after the next.

And then? Bang. Implosion.

That’s a breaking point. The hull implodes. It’s not a turning point or a tipping point. The damned thing was crushed under the pressure.

That brings me to you and me and the world.

Let’s begin with the world, so you understand what to do about you. And those you love.

You can see the multiplicity of breaking points girding the world in immense pressure. And the truth is that the hulls of our institutions are being crushed. Bang. There goes another one. The more that you see the Stockton Rush effect? No breaking point here. The more confidence you should have that an institution or system is going to reach one. Markets, political parties, economies.

So what do we do about it? I think there are some pretty simple principles to employ. And here we get into Havens Thinking.

The correct thing to do now is to exit systems and institutions and maybe even relationships which now risk reaching severe breaking points. Unless you are very, very confident that you can bear the costs of those risks. Especially those where there’s a kind of denial about reaching breaking point. 

By the way, this is what makes so many people so uncomfortable about America today. Not just the obvious collapse into chaos, but the sort of muted engagement with it, the limited understanding of the severity of it. I’m not saying “leave America,” but I am saying: this is the time to develop a Plan B. See the causal relationship between breaking point and denial. 

That’s true in your financial life, too. We can all see that markets in America are going to reach breaking point. We just don’t know the precise day. Unless you think you do, why bear that risk? At this point, it’s almost surreal how much bad news arrives, and yet, markets sort of shrug. That’s denial. That there is a breaking point. All of which makes it only more inevitable that one is approaching fast. It’s never a good idea to invest much of yourself in systems which are approaching that state. When bad news is considered a good thing, the greater fool is you if you buy in. Because breaking point is surely on the way.

That brings me to you, as a human being. You must not lie to yourself about the immense pressure you’re under. A world at breaking point is pushing us to breaking point, too. All of us. Don’t doubt that, like some kind of dorky junior-league pundit. Nobody is tough enough, and everyone is hurting. We just don’t talk about it enough.

My advice is: open up about it. Ask those you love. If they’re at breaking point. You might be surprised. Confess to those you love. About where you are, too. Reach out to your friends. Rebuild all those relationships in a more authentic, genuine, and loving way.

Let’s talk about relational breaking points. This time in the world will test many, many relationships. Push them to and past breaking point. I see it all around me. I can’t tell you the number of people I know whose relationships are struggling profoundly, because of the shocks that have battered us all since Covid arrived.

I think that if your relationships are reaching breaking point, then it’s best to begin talking about it. And I know that’s not easy. But the alternative, which is to go on in the pretense, is becoming harder and harder to swallow by the day. Not just in an individual way, but at a systemic level, in the ongoing breakdown of social ties.

The answer to the problem of breaking points, then, isn’t the kind of glib denial we see at work in finance, politics, economics, self-help, and much more. The answer comes from a place of existential truth, as deep as the ocean. Seeking redemption in our fragility itself. Reaching towards an understanding of all this agony. In the bittersweet curse of the human condition. We are all frail, mortal, finite things. 

We are all capable of breaking. And so is everything that we create. Markets. Marriages. Careers. Democracies. Constitutions. Economies. Lives. The lie we’re living, that everything’s OK, is killing us. It’s killing us socially, politically, economically, and it’s killing many of us inside, right down in the soul. And it’s going to test us, too. Our authenticity, courage, and truth. But this is the crucible of existential agency. 

Nothing is forever, and nothing is strong enough not to break. This is the lie the fascists tell above all, that being superhuman will allow us this. It’s false. But the pretense must stop with you. How do you really defeat the bad guys? Like this. You have to excise the poison deep in the soul, not just bitch from the mouth. You have to tell the truth. About the terrible pain that we’re all in.

None of this happens if we’re not in pain. None of it. People turning to AI in despair for a relationship. People desperately gobbling up stocks on the cheap just to be able to retire. The turn to demagoguery. The regress into horror. The victories of hate and stupidity over reason and grace.

In this life, in this human experience, all we have is our infinite frailty, and from that comes true strength, courage, dignity. But to evoke those, to grow into them, we must begin with the power of authenticity. Here I am, at breaking point. Do you see me here, my arms wilting? Are you here with me, too? Isn’t this the time we live in, so full of fractures and fissures and jagged edges? And aren’t they cutting us all open?

That is why we hold each other close, night after night. 

Understand yourselves in this way now. Reclaim your existential agency. The false bravado that we can ever have, create, touch, be, things that don’t break is only the road to the inferno. For us who live in the human world, freedom to exist as we truly are begins with this gift of the secret of one’s innermost pain. In which there is the capacity, need, surrender to, revelation of, love. 

And in all that, we grow up. This is called maturity. Our world might not get there in our lifetimes. Our civilization may remain stuck here in narcissistic adolescence for ages to come. But we, ourselves, can strive towards adulthood in all these ways. This is called Being the Adult in the Room. The choice is yours.

As always, if you need help, just reach out,

Lots of love,

Umair (and Snowy!)

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